Just be fucking honest about how you feel about people while you’re alive.

John Mayer (via narcotic)

(Source: eatsleepjohnmayer)

728,878 notes

oheska:

so there was a bug in my room so i got my mom to kill it because i hate bugs and then she was like

"you have to learn to kill bugs for your girlfriend"

and i was like

"ill get my boyfriend to do it"

and thats how i came out to my mom

(Source: southwatertribe)

111,697 notes

lieutenantstilinski:

edenidoigo:

whalegod:

tell me a secret

One time during class my drama/english teacher, who’s a devout vegan and all about not killing animals, accidentally stepped on a ladybug. He froze up and slowly cradles it in his hand and he was so heartbroken and started quoting Hamlet.

I didn’t have the heart to tell him that it was a red m&m.

I can’t breathe

286,324 notes

saydolly:

Aziz Ansari is like the king of callouts.

(Source: renloras)

515,656 notes

xiggymatsu:

chevy-raised-jack-daniels-fed:

merrymaudlin:

mercurykiss:

thugburrito:

My faith in pizza guys has gone up 123%

NO LET ME TELL YOU A STORYSo a few weeks ago I was in a hotel in Savannah with my grampa in the hospital next door, Mom was over staying with him, and the battery in the smoke detector went out so every 5 minutes it would let off this loud, high pitched ‘CHIRP’.It was annoying as fuck, so I called the front desk to see if they had a battery for it, and they said the only thing they could do was change rooms. We’d already settled in for the night, and needed the next door rooms for my uncles the next day, so I said I’d deal. My uncles had my car in the next town over, so I couldn’t drive and get one myself.An hour later, I’m ordering pizza and have gone insane because the damn thing CHIRPS. SO. MUCH.So I begged the pizza guy on the phone to stop and get me a battery, told him I’d pay for the battery, and give him an extra tip for it, and he was chill with it. This adorable fucker gets to my room with the battery, opens it, asks to see the smoke detector, CLIMBS ON THE BED, CHANGES THE BATTERY FOR ME, and tests it.My pizza was only 20 dollars, but I gave him 40 and told him to keep the change.

I am clearly not fully utilizing my pizza delivery person…..

What’s next pizza delivery hitmen


Is it bad that I want to write that

xiggymatsu:

chevy-raised-jack-daniels-fed:

merrymaudlin:

mercurykiss:

thugburrito:

My faith in pizza guys has gone up 123%

NO LET ME TELL YOU A STORY
So a few weeks ago I was in a hotel in Savannah with my grampa in the hospital next door, Mom was over staying with him, and the battery in the smoke detector went out so every 5 minutes it would let off this loud, high pitched ‘CHIRP’.

It was annoying as fuck, so I called the front desk to see if they had a battery for it, and they said the only thing they could do was change rooms. We’d already settled in for the night, and needed the next door rooms for my uncles the next day, so I said I’d deal. My uncles had my car in the next town over, so I couldn’t drive and get one myself.

An hour later, I’m ordering pizza and have gone insane because the damn thing CHIRPS. SO. MUCH.

So I begged the pizza guy on the phone to stop and get me a battery, told him I’d pay for the battery, and give him an extra tip for it, and he was chill with it. This adorable fucker gets to my room with the battery, opens it, asks to see the smoke detector, CLIMBS ON THE BED, CHANGES THE BATTERY FOR ME, and tests it.

My pizza was only 20 dollars, but I gave him 40 and told him to keep the change.

I am clearly not fully utilizing my pizza delivery person…..

What’s next pizza delivery hitmen

Is it bad that I want to write that

467,425 notes

thatcurioustruth:

shaylynnann:

shealynns-faerie-shoppe:

GUYS I MADE A LITTLE METAL BOOK WITH MY FAVORITE QUOTE IN IT AND I DON’T CARE IF IT SOUNDS LIKE BRAGGING I THINK IT IS SO CUTE I’M GONNA DIE.

More pics here: x

reblogging from my shoppe blog. STILL EXCITED ABOUT THIS.

For all my Chestertonian followers: she does custom orders. :)

240 notes

andrewgarfielddaily:

'It's me. It's me Peter, and I'm sorry.'
The Amazing Spider-Man 2 deleted scene

Requested by backseatsandbedrooms

12,937 notes

luminoxxie:

haanigram:

THE LAST EPISODE OF FUTURAMA 1999 - 2013

GROSS SOBBING

DON’T TOUCH ME

251,886 notes